Monday, 28 April 2014 20:08

Shocking News from Westmoreland Place!

If you’ve followed OnStL for any length of time, it should be obvious by now that we don’t report news.  But this news is too hot to pass on.  The Westmoreland Place turkey died today.  It was hit by a car.

St. Louis drivers are awful. I am one of them. Agressive, impatient, rude and on the phone. Yep, that's me. I need to be where I want to be now, so please get the f*ck out of my way. 

To my credit (and luck) I have never been in a major collission while driving. I am much better at hitting things that are parked or stationary. I did slide on the ice once on Kingshighway in the 80's in my shitty Nissan Sentra and rear-ended some lady. A few summers ago my trusty Honda Civic was itself rear-ended when the driver behind me bent over to pick up his lit cigar from the floor of the passenger side of his car. Other than that, nobody was harmed or killed by me due to my questionable driving skills.

I had an epiphany recently that has caused me to work very hard each and every day to literally slow my roll. Part of it was surviving cancer, which made me realize that I did in fact not want to die. The main reason though was the unintentional advice I received from Neil Degrasse Tyson and "Cosmos."

With the Easter weekend behind us, the local concert scene lights up again with song, chamber music, and a return to Powell Hall of Leonard Slatkin to conduct an American classic.

Monday, 14 April 2014 09:11

Spring has fully sprung in the STL

Oh, St. Louis. Every time I start to think you are a horrible and evil place filled with unchecked racism and burning piles of nuclear waste, you do something so wonderfully magical that I fall in love with you all over again. This time it was trees. Flowering trees actually, Bradford Pear trees to be exact. If you missed the explosion of white blooms gently waving in the soft kisses of spring breezes, then you are a recluse in dangerous need of getting out more. Please, please just look out the window for pity's sake.

I need not remind you how brutal our recently concluded winter is, nor shall I waste any additional keystrokes complaining about how cold it was or how many times I fell down. With the exception of the previous sentence, and it was three times. My left hip is still sore sometimes. Curse you black ice and poor footwear choices! But I digress once again for this is not the topic at hand. The topic is how gorgeous the Lou was this weekend. 

Sunday, 06 April 2014 14:18


I always promised myself that when I got older I would appreciate the way younger people do things differently.  We all tried to be “different” when we were young and our parents just whined on about it.  I don’t want to be a whiner.  Kids don’t want to actually “talk” on a phone?  Okay, fine, I can text misspelled words like the best of them.

The information that I am about to share in this post will almost certainly lead to my incarceration in some unnamed bottomless pit of a military prison somewhere, but I feel it is my civic and personal duty to share it while I still can. If I suddenly and mysteriously disappear, please try to find me and help me if you can. My safety is no longer relevant, but it is important for me to share this while I still can. I am scared and unsure what will become of me. Please share with anyone who will listen. This affects all of us.

Monday, 31 March 2014 15:52

Ikea Changes Mind

Ikea, the Swedish company that invented yellow and blue, has changed its mind about building a store in St. Louis.  A company spokesman announced simply, “Have you SEEN the intersection of Forest Park Parkway and Vandeventer?!”

You have been warned. I have been on high alert while driving for weeks now and it ain't pretty out there. Spring may have sprung, but this is not free license for bungholery while behind the wheel of a car. A whole new crop of deliberately oblivious drivers are out there amongst us talking on their &%*^)(@ phones, texting on their &%*^)(@ phones, and generally doing whatever the hell they want. I officially declare war on the lot of them, to be followed by an informative and cathartic safety dance.

Mayor Slay hosted the annual Mayor's Ball on Friday, February 28 at City Hall.   Park your car and come on in to take a peek with OnStL photographer, Kenny Bahr!


Saturday, 01 February 2014 22:11

St. Louis In The Rain

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