Tuesday, 24 June 2014 10:03

I fought the law and the law won

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I like loopholes. Sometimes they get you out of trouble and sometimes they are in integral part of the shoe tying process. I am no stranger to moving violations and have at times relied upon the long, proud history and tradition of  being able to make tickets go away in St. Louis. Of course it happened again, but this time it just made me mad - and a bit poorer.

Okay so he caught me fair and square. I was going 34 in a 20 on a residential street in a fictional town that we will call Richmond Heights. Said street however, which we will call West Bruno for the sake of this story, is about three blocks from my house and one I travel on almost daily. I do not believe the officer needed to be such a jerk about it though "Hey guess what" he said, "you just earned a traffic citation." Um, thanks bro. This was irritation #1. An attorney friend of mine actually witnessed this event and texted me while I was sitting there waiting for my ticket. Irritation #2.

I high-tailed it (within legal limits) right to the nearest "we will fix your tickets for you" office and payed my $59 fee. Two months go by before I hear back from them with the news that the violation was reduced to some bullshit something or other, but I owed $225 dollars including court costs and it was due in a week. Irritation #3 and blood now boiling.

What happened to the good old days when a phone call and a case of beer, bottle of scotch, or baseball tickets would wipe any trace of your crime off the face of the earth? Damn you technology and the damn, dirty apes who invented it! At least my insurance won't go up.

I'd like to say that this is the end of the story, but alas it is not. A week later I got a ticket in my homeland, the magical kingdom of Maplewood. This time it was for creative acknowledgement of two stop signs. The kindly office only ticketed me for one of them. I appreciated that. Now I wait for my sentence and another bill. Maybe this will teach me to drive more slowly. Maybe it will not.