Anyway, to start off the new season right, I did what I always do: I take out all my snow shovels and mismatched mittens from the backseat of my car and have a little bonfire in the yard. Next, I went to St. Louis Earth Day.
Now, if you’re not familiar with Earth Day in this city, it is probably just like any other Earth Day celebration around the country. Everybody breaks out their homemade shoes made of compost and boho skirts they wear once a year, making sure not to shave their legs a couple days before, and proceed to tally up just how much of the beautiful Earth they are personally responsible for destroying. I am always prepared to give them a run for their money. I do my part and separate my styrofoam take-out containers from my plastic take-out containers. But lately I’ve been slacking in the greenie department. But no matter—I went to Earth Day with my head held high.
First of all, I should have known it wasn’t a good idea, because I had to borrow a friend’s Hummer, which I am hesitant to say, because of all the work that has to get done on it, gets about three miles to the gallon. My friend also reupholstered the seats in baby seal skins, so when I drove up to the Muny Grounds, I got more than a few dirty looks. And because it was Earth Day, those looks were indeed…well, dirty. And a little granola-y.
I walked around getting information about how to save things and clean things, and I really want to start trying harder.
Okay, it’s time to be honest here. Yes, I want to be more economically friendly, and do my best to keep the air clean, but the reason I REALLY go to Earth Day is the Baklava.
Earth Day has the BEST food, I kid you not. I love Mediterranean cuisine, and it’s perfect for a self-professed food snob like me who doesn’t eat anything processed to actually get more than a few choices! Of course, there were also a few stands for the Buddies of the Bohos who haven’t quite converted from IMOs yet, the food promised to produce heart palpitations and increased cholesterol.
After the Baklava, my personal assistant wandered off and I found out later that she’d been harassing the vendors over at the Transcendental Meditation booth, claiming she was going to read their minds and steal their Facebook passwords if they didn’t give her a free out-of-body demonstration. I thought this would be a good time to visit the meditation garden and catch up on this book I found by this guy named Kerouac. As it turned out, everyone else had the same idea! It never fails: you start a trend, and everyone else has to jump on board and copy you.
I then picked up my assistant over by the bandstand, trying to coat herself in mud and wanting to know when Joe Cocker was going to play. I had to bring her back to reality and told her that she was going to have to ride in the trunk again, but then the rangers came by and said we had to leave. Too bad, because I would’ve liked to see Joe Cocker.
All in all, it was a good, educational day. I learned about the benefits of growing my own food and decreasing my carbon footprint. But I felt bad leaving early, especially when the Hummer accidentally plowed over a homemade bicycle that ran on rainwater. It was okay, though. When the owner ran over to see the damage, I saw him make a peaceful gesture in my rearview mirror. Actually, it was only half of a peaceful gesture, but I’m sure he meant to do the whole thing.**
**Disclaimer: Autumn does not advocate the runnings-over of anything homemade, handmade, even things manufactured in dirty, industrial buildings or the like. Nor does she support the cruelty of animals, insects, Krishnas, or Baby Seals. In fact, she loves animals, vegetables, clean air, and homeopathic oils more than Desperate Housewives.