Monday, 02 July 2012 18:08

Mayor Sells Arch to Kansas City

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In a desperate move to save the Rams contract, Mayor Slay has reached an agreement with Kansas City to take possession of the Gateway Arch. In a press conference, he explained that the money would help meet the renovation demands of the St. Louis Rams for the Edward Jones Dome.

“We simply don’t have that kind of cash,” the St. Louis Mayor explained, “but more St. Louisans use the Dome than the Arch, so it’s a no-brainer.” In fact, figures show that very few St. Louisans have ever gone up in the Arch. It’s more of a tourist attraction.

“Most people who live here say they’ll eventually get around to visiting the Arch, but never do because they assume it’ll always be here,” explained St. Louis Convention and Visitors Commission spokesman, Brian Hall. “Maybe now that it’ll be in Kansas City, more St. Louisans will finally visit it.”

St. Louis proposed a modest $48 million plan in January for Dome renovations, but the Rams countered with a plan that included $300 zillion in locker room renovations that called for a private bath and shower for each player.

“If we can unload the Arch on K.C., we just might be able to buy those johns,” the Mayor suggested. “That’s assuming, of course, K.C. doesn’t ‘kick the tires’ and discover all that pigeon poop along the southern leg. We’ll do the right thing and include a bottle of all purpose Ajax Cleanser.”

The Arch was scheduled to be dismantled for maintenance in the Fall, so most city officials agree that the time was right to just sell it and get the football dome the Rams have always wanted.

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